This morning, Alexa had an appointment with a neurologist from CHOP one of the most renowned childen’s hospitals on the East Coast. Being the asshole that I am, I didn’t begin to get ready until about 7 for a 9am appointment. Under normal circumstances, this would be fine. However, when in the face of unchartered territory, I begin to freak out. Luke made it a point to be extra-specially defiant which really did wonders for my state of mind. Three year olds suck. So, I found myself running around, ruddlerless, screaming at the boy as if the increase in decibels were aiding in the expulsion of demons. Before we left the door, I had a headache.

Mapquest, them fuckers, gave me inaccurate directions leaving me about 5 miles in the wrong direction; though a quick call to the office got me back on track. My hands were clammy, my heart was pounding and I swear to God, if that kid told me “Shh!” one more time I was going to commit a murderous act. Once inside the office, the fun continued.

David accidentally threw away Alexa’s medical card when I had one of her last 3 million antibiotics filled. The receptionist could only register her by her card number. Since her insurance is through BIODAD, I had to make a quick call over to him to get the information. I was seconds away from having a meltdown. I was stroppy with the receptionist and wanted to rip her old face off. However, BIODAD picked up the phone on the first try (miraculous) and we were taken back to our room shortly after. The nurse practitioner was amazing! She took the time to record the entire traumatic event that was Alexa’s seizure. She then ran the information over to the neurologist and both concurred that Alexa did not have a focal seizure at all, but a complex Febrile seizure caused by the hella-potent infection that she was fighting off. Given that she is autistic (STRIKE 1!) and that the seizure was brought on by such a low-grade fever (STRIKE 2!), they fear that she may have more in her future. However, they sent me home with some meds should she ever have a seizure here with a back-up pack to keep at school. I feel satisfied in having an answer now that makes sense.

I just wish I knew why I wanted to bite everyone’s head off? Perhaps I was hungry or perhaps I just am beyond my stress limit. I normally don’t loose my patience with office staff, no matter how retarded and unaccommodating they may be. I do know a tropical fruit smoothie and a cigarette did wonders for my mood.

Other than that, I return to work tomorrow. Yippee. AND, David and I get our marriage license tomorrow. It’s beginning to feel real.

I could try and come up with some zany title but all that would do is take away from the fear and the urgency of what occurred last Thursday. So, I will just tell you what happened instead.

Shortly before 11am, I received a phone call from the school nurse at Alexa’s school. I sighed thinking “Not again”. I thought for sure it was for some stupid reason — she skinned her knee, she was stung by a bee, etc. The nurse told me that she was calling because Alexa was lethargic and not at all herself. I sighed a bit as I have no remaining time off this year, and told her that I would see what I could do. I called my dad to see if he could meet me at work after I picked Lex up from school. Having this plan set, I went to find my assistant manager to tell her that I would be taking lunch early and would be back as soon as I could. Before I could find her, the nurse called again. Alexa was having a seizure. I gave her the okay to call the ambulance. I found the assistant manager, broke down in tears in her office then ran to my car for what was the longest 25 minute drive of my life.

On the way to the hospital, I called my Dad to update him on the seriousness of Alexa’s condition and then David to tell him to get his butt home and meet me at the hospital. Somehow, I managed to keep an anxiety attack at bay and managed to get to the hospital safely despite driving with tears running down my face, blinding my eyes.

When I got to the hospital, Alexa looked lifeless. She was clonatonic and limp and there was nothing behind her eyes. About 15 minutes after I arrived at the hospital, she began to come out of it and squeezed my hand. This lasted only a few minutes as she began to have another seizure. Adavan was administered through her IV and she fell fast asleep. She underwent a CAT scan and a chest x-ray and blood cultures. All came back clear. Shortly after, she was transported to a nearby hospital with a pediatric unit.

It was the first time either of us had rode in an ambulance. I remember thinking, “This is not happening. This is not real.” We arrived at the hospital and Lex was taken to her room. She was still sleeping. The attending pediatrician came in and asked me to give her the run down. She ordered an MRI. Lex was still sleeping. She had the MRI — it was loud and scary. She slept. We came back to her room and I had some dinner. Lex slept. The neurologist came in and asked for a play-by-play of what occurred. He told us that given the type of seizure that Alexa had (focal), it looked as if Lex had a seizure disorder, but the CAT scan was not supporting that theory. We waited for the results of the MRI. The neurologist ordered an EEG for the following day.

The next few hours were strange. We watched Grey’s Anatomy. It’s weird to watch a medical drama while your own medical drama unfolds. Lex slept. The MRI results came in. They did not reveal anything that would indicate a seizure disorder.

Finally, at 1 am, Alexa woke up. She showed a glimpse of her usual self. We watched videos and snuggled. David and I switched between the chair bed and the office chair every couple of hours.

Alexa ate a huge breakfast while David and I ran out to Target to get some supplies (coloring books and chocolate, mostly). The rest of the day, Stuart, David and I switched off on sitting with Lex while the other went down for meals or for a walk.

Shortly before noon, Lex had her EEG. She did great! I managed to get her to fall asleep for it which was what the technician was hoping for.

She woke up just in time for lunch. She ate a HUGE lunch. We sat and waited for the neurologist to come over to read the EEG results.

We sat and we sat and we sat. Finally, at 5:30, he came in and told us that the EEG showed nothing to indicate a seizure disorder. He did not think Alexa needed medication and he felt the infection may have created the right conditions to bring on the seizure. Alexa could go home.

Before leaving the hospital, Lex was given an antibiotic. It did not agree with her. On the way home, she puked up the entire contents of her stomach. We tried giving her a dose of the meds when we arrived home. She puked again. I called the hospital. They gave us the capsule form and told us to sprinkle it on applesauce. The following morning, we tried that only to get the same result. I called her ped who told me to call the hospital who told me to call her ped. The receptionist had me recite the whole story and passed on the information to the nurse practitioner. The third time must be the charm because this antibiotic stays in Alexa’s stomach and she doesn’t gag when she takes it.

This experience has put things in perspective. I am going to work part-time. No longer will I put my kids’ happiness and health second to my work. I never want to be in a position where I feel annoyed because I don’t have the time off to pick my sick child up from school. I’m not sure how my employer is going to take this but I really don’t care.

If there was anything good that happend last week, I received word that my divorce is finalized. My divorce decree will be mailed to me. Oh, and David and I are getting married next month.:)

Alexa is now officially a career woman; fast on her way to becoming a contributor to the evil pig empire known as capitolism. Well, okay, she just started kindergarten, she has some time before she’s breaking her back for the Man….

We started the day early. I woke up before the rest of the family and made Alexa’s lunch and took a shower. David made a fantastic breakfast of biscuits, gravy, bacon and eggs. My dad and BIODAD5000 came over to eat some grub and watch our Princess take her first steps into “big girl school”. We sat down to the wonderful breakfast, my father trying his best to make small talk with BIODAD5000. To my father’s credit, he makes a huge effort with BIODAD, however, it all just has a way of making an already awkward situation that more awkward. BIODAD5000 does not seem to want to communicate or be in our presence, so sometimes I wonder why he subjects himself to us. But he does, all the while emitting the surliness of a 15 year old boy forced to watch Beaches with his overbearing mother. But I digress…

Shortly after what from this point forward will be known as Most Awkward Breakfast Ever, it was time to take Lex to school. We met the teacher at the door and after some emotionless hugs and kisses, Alexa and Patrick (one of her classmates) trotted off hand-in-hand, skipping into a world where Fiskar Scissors and an eight pack of Crayolas rule supreme. As their tiny shapes grew smaller in the distance, I became rudderless. David grabbed my hand, asked me if I was okay, and pushed me towards the minivan. (Oh, dude, did I tell you I drive a minivan now? I’ve officially done the unthinkable.)

We did a bunch of activities this morning to help distract me from the fact that my heart is now sitting in a classroom 2 miles away — like buy some new panties and bras, let Luke ride the carousel at the mall and spend a little quality time snuggling. Believe it or not, the day has gone rather fast. And now I only have another hour and 15 minutes before it’s time to pick Princess up from school.

Luke keeps asking when he gets to start “big boy school”. He will be going to daycare two days a week starting tomorrow. He can’t wait to go, so it’s a little less scary. It’s still weird though — I feel as if I’m ringing in a new phase of parenthood, what with school lunches and Back to School Night and all that other jazz that is not baby-toddler related.

Now, I make lasagna, the Princess’s favorite dinner.